President Trump’s sinking poll numbers have led to reports that some Republican leaders are trying to distance themselves from him, while others are being even more vocal in their support to appeal to his dedicated fanbase. The Onion evaluates the reasons why Republicans might decide whether to distance themselves from him or double down on their support.
Reasons To Distance Themselves From Trump
- Insulation in case Trump commits some kind of embarrassing blunder before election
- Historically pretty easy to flip-flop on this position without consequence
- Knowing deep down it’d be cool to receive a Trump nickname
- Always possible to betray constituents no matter who’s in charge
- There’s no fucking way he’s coming back from that Access Hollywood tape
Reasons To Double Down On Support
- Confirmed with lawyer that hypocrisy isn’t a punishable crime
- Still two months after election to get big contracts for friends
- Hey, the guy’s an asshole, but he’s super dialed in to the scene, so he’s a good professional contact to keep
- Deep down, some Republicans might even share his hatred of women and minorities
- In their hour of need, Trump would surely do the same for them
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